Surely by now I’ve mentioned how I’ve been sent to Japan for some mysterious mission that God has concocted for me… Some situation where a Beth shaped puzzle piece fits absolutely perfectly.
And what is the said mission?
I still have no idea. I’ve been here a month and a half, over a tenth of my total time here (if I stay one school year…) and I still don’t have a clue about my purpose, about what I’m fulfilling, about where my puzzle piece fits.
Maybe for most, this isn’t really a big deal. You can just keep on living day to day without really knowing the bigger picture and you do great. I’m not really to that point. I appreciate knowing the plan. I love to know what my bigger goal is. It gives me a target to aim for while I’m doing whatever I’m doing. Even doing menial things have some meaning to me when I know my mission.
In one organization in college, we were made to write mission statements. We wrote down a bigger goal for our projects within the organization and were encouraged to integrate those mission statements into our lives. Maybe that’s just really gotten into my head, but I’m very grateful to know what I’m working and shopping and talking and living and praying for. I feel like I actually have a purpose. I don’t question whether I’m in the correct place in life when I know there’s a mission to accomplish.
And this has been a significant prayer for me for a while. I pray that God will reveal His mission for me so I can live more purposefully. I can have more specific goals. I can do things with more uumph. At least that’s what I imagine would happen. I won’t stop praying for this until I see it.
But, honestly, I need to look at the possibility that I may never be told why I’m here…at least not until after I’m already done here and back home. I have to figure how to live with purpose without my standard motivation, without “the mission” being told to me. What will that look like? Will I let myself get depressed or insecure if I don’t know?
Insecurity is a very real threat in this case because my mission is so important to me. But I can’t let something like that happen when I’ve already been so assured that I am suppose to be here in Japan. So if I’m not insecure, how will I live day to day without a bigger goal? I don’t really know…I’m still trying to figure out how I will deal with this possibility. If you have some encouragement, that’d be super. I’m certain there are many Bible verses that would be helpful to me now… I’m just in the middle of my thoughts on this and haven’t been exploring them yet.