Friendship is something that’s on my mind a lot as I’m here separated by seas and land looking at it in a new way. Since I moved, my life has changed. Obviously. My day to day routine is completely different than it was at home, the people I’m surrounded by are different, and even my appearance and the way I communicate has changed. But there was some things that I was counting on to never change.
That thing was my friendships. There was a group of people that I counted on before I left who soon made me feel disappointed and depressed. I didn’t understand how I wasn’t worth sending a letter on occasion, a message of encouragement to press on , a reminder of their prayers for me… When I was home some friends made me feel special to them, told me everything, and we could grow in Christ together.
But when I left it became much harder to maintain that much contact. That’s ok. But depth in the relationship didn’t have to change. Neglect shouldn’t be acceptable. A lack of encouragement is not ok just because it’s more difficult to do.
I already miss out on so many things by being away. Why do people punish my further with this hurt?
Sometimes moving here seems like a punishment that I chose for myself. Not because of what I do here, but because I don’t know what awaits me at home. There are some imperative people at home who God has used to get me through this year, but the others who make me question what friendship is scare me. I’m scared to go home with disappointment or anger in my heart. I’m scared to go home and see that I was actually forgotten and what I thought were real friendships were much shallower than I thought. I’m trying to forgive, though I don’t want to confront. Can I even do that?
But this is what I’m learning from this hurt. It’s unfair and a mistake to count on anything but God to never change. Humans are fallen. We make mistakes. We grow and change. God is the only thing that’s a certainty; forever loving and never changing. I’ll never forget this reminder of His immutability and love.
Some people don’t understand what it’s like to move away from everything they’ve ever known, and now I know the struggles, especially with relationships. I won’t let others feel like they have no one should they find themselves in a similar place. They will have me and Brad along with their other loved ones. I won’t let them become disappointed with home. I’ll strive for patience, kindness, truthfulness, and encouragement.
God make these things well up in my heart so they overflow into my actions. Keep me from disappointing and hurting others. Forgive my sins, especially when I hurt others. Reveal my wrongdoings in relationships to me. Help me be the friend that sticks closer than a brother. Make me love like you.
In some ways this is me venting after 8 months of not really talking about this. And I’ve done it in a way where people who have hurt me will maybe possibly MAYBE read it (odds are tiny), because I’m just too scared to bring it up like I maybe should. What should I do? Also, if you read this and know someone who needs some encouragement, don’t hesitate to show them love. You don’t know what they could need from you right now. Be a good friend.