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Roadtrips, Japan, and Lists

The Rocket Summer
Light

All I needed was a light in the darkest place
I’ve ever been in all my life
As I try to find my way in the changing seasons of my life
And my eyes don’t see the things I’m living for have been course
Are they done? Are they just?
They give in

I’m old enough to know that time doesn’t move slow enough
I’m young enough to know that I can’t ever be too old enough to trust you
Higher (and higher)
I want to go away with you
Some say your fire (your fire)
Is through
And I don’t wanna think that way

So you lost your job, you lost your girl
And it crushed your soul
And while you’re standing out alone at the fork in the road
So you let your finger hold it up
There’s no wind there telling you where you should go
So you try, try to trust
While you there with them

I’m old enough to know that time doesn’t move slow enough
I’m young enough to know that I can never be too old enough to trust you
Higher (and higher)
I want to go away with you
Some say your fire (your fire)
Is through
But I don’t…
Wanna…

I am yours, do what you wish
I am yours, I am yours and I know this
Whatever happens next is in your hands, in your plans
Nothing less
Everyday there is a choice
Through the joy, through the pain I will rejoice
I am yours, do what you wish
I am yours, I am yours and I know this

Save me, cuz I need it
And I can’t help but feel desperate
My desires may seem to be coming to their endings
But I will trust it’s not the end
But a great beginning

This was a song that stuck out to me like (insert witty simile thing here) on my drive back from Dallas on Saturday. I was there for a job interview to teach English to children at a Christian school in Sendai, Japan. I feel a great pull, or call, perhaps, to go and fill this particular role. However, I need to be assured that this “call” is not just from some selfish part of me that wants to go somewhere new, but is rather from God who wants to put me somewhere new to be who He created me to be.

Not too long ago, a friend and I were discussing our life goals and I came to realize how odd mine were. I hadn’t verbalized a list in a long time, or textualized in this case of a text message, what I actually wanted to do with my life. So I thought about it for a second after I was asked, and this is what I went with…

Life goals:
Travel.
Love on kids.
Share the Gospel.
Be a kind and joyful person.
Learn lots.

I didn’t even think of wanting a house or a family or a “real” career for some reason. I should add to that list “Get out of debt,” as well. But whatever.

Since returning from my internship, I’ve made little headway on understanding what it is I should do. I know a few of the things I should never be a part of which is helpful to a degree. But what I’d really like to be certain of is where I’m going. I’m impatiently waiting to hear back about Japan-until Thanksgiving time. What if all the teachers that work there now decide to stay another year and there’s no room for me? What if I really screwed up my interview and gave a bad impression? What if they tell me no?! For some reason, I’d like to put all my eggs in this Japan-basket and count on going to Asia… As much as I feel called, do I really know the plans of God? Again, I need to remind myself of my list of life goals. Those are more important and more long-lasting than this specific plan.

Last Sunday, I went to a Bible study on Romans, and we talked about how Paul had loose plans and direction for where he would go and what he’d do, but how he was clearly open to however God wanted those things to work out. He planned to go to Spain in Romans 12ish but He let God take Him there in His time. That was so something I needed to hear.

To me, I’m the absolute perfect candidate to go to Japan. I’m willing to learn, work hard, love the kids, volunteer in my spare time, and I’ll work through any challenge that comes up and look at it as an opportunity to grow. And God likely sees this all completely differently.

Here are some long term careery-type possibilities I’ve been wrestling with:
Teacher.
Kids’ Counselor.

I am about to be 23. I have a bachelor’s degree. I am unemployed. And I am at a loss about what I should do with my life. And this is all ok. I must keep in mind my “Life Goal List”, try to open doors, and patiently wait on the Lord’s call and answer.

I am yours, do what you wish
I am yours, I am yours and I know this
Whatever happens next is in your hands, in your plans
Nothing less
Everyday there is a choice
Through the joy, through the pain I will rejoice
I am yours, do what you wish
I am yours, I am yours and I know this

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About bethyadventures

Jesus is first. I want to show Jesus and love to others, and I get excited about Jesus using me to do that. I am so unworthy, but God chose me. Unending love, amazing grace.

One response »

  1. Beth, I don’t know if you have ever read John Macarthur’s book about God’s will for he explains it much better than I will. If your walk with the Lord is where it should be and this opportunity fits your desires, then go for it!

    Reply

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