Haven’t written in a long while. Oops.
Lately, I’ve been in a long lasting pity party. I’m trying to survive what seems like an infinite amount of homework. I was trying to find a job. I’m trying to be excited and give credit to the awesomeness of my trip. I’m trying to focus on volunteering. I’m trying to spend as much time with friends because I’m worried I’ll never see some of them again. I’m trying to figure out what it means for me to be a grown up.
Firstly, I need to knock off the whining thing. If I stepped back and really looked at my life, I’d see something bigger than these things that are weighing me down. I’d see good friends supporting me and lending their ears for whenever I need to cry. I’d see a family that does whatever they need to do to help me. I’d see a God who is bigger than all of this and is ordering my life so I can bless others for His sake.
I need to stop, take a breath, and enjoy the blessings.
Secondly, I’m trying to do a lot of stuff. Emphasis on *I* and on *trying*.
Why do I need to do all that I am doing? And why do I need to stress about it all? I recently figured out that I should narrow down the list of things to focus on. I ruled out job-searching. That can wait a few weeks. I spent a lot time making big projects appear more manageable (my super organizing skills at work). And, honestly, things are never really as huge or hard as they seem. Things have always gotten done in the past and I survived. This semester will be the same. Also, no offense, but it’s just college. I’m not exactly in danger of not graduating.
Also also, I think I’m too focused on what *I* am capable of doing. I can’t do much apart from the Lord. And even when I do things without Him, it’s just not as great as the times when He is part of something.
I’m still about $800 away from meeting the goal. I’m not super worried about the money thing. I’m more worried about being a good intern and making the most out of the trip. The Lord will provide. But will I allow Him to reign in my heart daily, giving Him the chance to bless others through me?